Freedom from Self-hate

 Contemporary psychologists like Rubin, Meiss and Horney uncovered an important dynamic that is put in place in our childhood: when we experience very strong violent urges (anger) and if our environment does not allow for expressing them, there is no other way for those violent emotions to be oriented except toward THE SELF!

The resultant self-hate is a very common feeling that we all recognize in ourselves. It serves to save the nacent personality from feeling powerless and vanquished. The drawback is that this dynamic lays the groundwork for years of self-inflicted pain, that of self-hate.

It is very much like a groove on a record that begins to form. The more you harp on it, the deeper the groove in the mind, the more likely this pattern is to be repeated.

The good news is: for as long as you are alive, you can continue to restructure the mind always, and to create new, more desirable patterns that allow you to live a happier, less constricted life.
Healing means TO LOVE YOURSELF, the more natural starting pattern in all of us, instead of the unnatural self-hate that sets in under difficult coping circumstances.

What are some common difficult coping circumstances?

A shouting, raging atmosphere at home and intense anger that the child may misconstrue to be her fault. Another is exacting, faultfinding parenting, that's quick to criticize and always makes you feel you're not "good enough"..

That can leaves you with a deep dread, always, that 'THEY WILL FIND OUT that I am not "good enough" '. This is such a common emotion that even grown-ups feel throughout their life, both professional and personal.

If you continuously run away from the fear of not being "good enough", then it may follow you into adult life. The great news is that you can put an end to it RIGHT NOW. Simply choose right here and now a different way, decide that no matter how well you perform or not (no matter what grade you get or don't get) YOU APROVE OF YOURSELF ANYWAY!!

Even though this is SIMPLE to do, it is by no means EASY, so persevere in your efforts; you may be working against centuries of evolution set into your system, because a fear of not being "good enough" may have meant being abandoned. The key is to REWIRE your system to work FOR you, not AGAINST you. Affirmations can help. They are clear statements of intention, always phrased positively.
You simply need to repeat them to yourself in order for the groove in the mind to grow strong and deep. The key it practice, practice, practice; like any new skill, whether playing piano or speaking a new language, it needs to be acquired through practice.

Affirmations (check http://www.Healyourlife.com/ for more)

I release the need to punish myself
I approve of ME! no matter what!

I allow Grace to sweep over me 

Grace sets me free to a new way of being

I choose to approve of myself